View Full Version : Parents of Adult Children Estranged, Exiled, or Alienated From Them
December 2nd, 2011, 12:25 PM
For a parent who's been kicked out of their adult child's life or the whole family, or alienated by an adult child or ex-spouce.
This happened to me after my husband divorced me. He began his campaign before he told me he wanted out. He turned my daughter against me, then they both alienated the rest of the family from me. I now have no family except for my 20 yr old son who refused to exsile me - so he has been simply ignored.
I'd like to hear if anyone else has had similar experiences. :confused:
December 2nd, 2011, 01:44 PM
I did when I was in my 20's. For an entire year. My parents ticked me off. I think back on it now - it's embarrassing knowing now how stupid I was. You have a good son who doesn't allow the negative drama of life interfere with his rational judgement of doing the right thing and honoring his mother and father. Hopefully your daughter will eventually come around and realize you are the only mother she will ever really have.
Remember her birthday and special days. Even if she doesn't acknowledge you. YOU do the right thing because YOU are the Mom.
I do hope things work out between you and your daughter.
July 5th, 2012, 04:54 AM
Thank you for posting that... my daughter's birthday is in 2 weeks and I was going to treat her like she is treating me.
I cry day after day as she is conducting emotional blackmail. Her new "friend" is the focus of her life and I come in last place i.e. meaning if there is nothing else to do and she needs money then she finds time for me to visit with her and my 4yo granddaughter. I bought a house and pay the mortgage for her and she treats the house just like the car I bought (she need one so she could go back and forth to school). Her father stays high on her value list even though he was an absentee father and refused to help me with college expenses...
I understand that being an unwed mother, is hard and trying to get through college is even harder but no one else is having a picnic in the rat race either. I don't understand why she is dropping out of college and moving to NYC taking her child away from the only family she has ever known. I don't understand why she blew off traffic tickets and now has to pay large fines and court costs...
I do understand that she rejected my values way before I said I don't like her values.
Now I am the biggest loser but I will remember her birthday even if I drop it off to a closed door.
July 6th, 2012, 06:34 AM
I'm sorry you're having a hard time with your daughter.
May I ask why you pay for all those things for her? She's an adult. She needs to stand on her own 2 feet.
I don't know why your daughter has built up her absentee father, but I can tell you in general, that's normal. Children need the love of their absentee parent, even adult children, but they also know they can't count on that love. They withhold judgement because they know if they disappoint that parent, they'll lose their affection. And because they have limited contact, they may build up a fantasy of who the parent is.
This is something your daughter will have to work out on her own. Instead of trying to compete with a fantasy, work on supporting your daughter emotionally while dropping the financial support. Try not to criticize or offer unsolicited advice. Let her know when you're proud of her and build up her esteem. She may need to declare her independence from you right now but she knows deep down that she can trust you to be there for her and that you love her. Keep your interactions positive and you'll have the pleasure of watching your adult child become a true adult.
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