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View Full Version : Parents divorced, mom's new boyfriend, problem.


Bradthekillerman
December 21st, 2010, 05:11 AM
Hello, this is the first time i am posting to an English forum, sorry for my English it is not my first language. I can understand pretty nice but I canít write too good.
My name is George I am 16 years old, I have a brother 12 years old. 4 years before my parents got divorced. They didnít tell us the reason but they said that they wanted to do it years before but they were afraid that my brother would get hurt thatís why they waiting him getting older . We are living with my mother, my father moved to another city (500 km from us) so we are seeing each other 2 or 3 times a year, he wasnít really a good father and actually I wanted them to get divorced . 1 year after my parents broke up my mother introduced to us her new friend, he was a good man, he was playing with us, playstation, football, etc. And after some time he moved to our home and we lived together. But about 7 months later they broke up, I asked my mother why, but she didnít tell me, she just said that they were actually different characters. Of course i didnít liked this because i already thought, he was gonna be my new dad. He was also too close with me and my little brother. But I knew that it wasnít my decision. Anyway about one and half year later my mother has introduced to us her new boyfriend, he was nothing like the previous. He werenít play with us and we arenít that close like we were with my momís ex-boyfriend. The good news are that he is rich, not that much of course but we are living in his house now, itís bigger, this is the first time I am sleeping in my own room, I have pc, playstation, internet and everything else I want. The bad thing is the relationship with my step-dad, and that I left my old house and I canít see my old friends now. Anyway, it is already a year and a few months that we are all living together. My mom and her fiancť are often go out at nights and spent their time like normal new pair. When they are in the house they are kissing each other all the time and having fun. One day when I came early form the school and I saw them in the balcony my mom is sitting in his laps and they were talking in a different way than they were when we (the kids) are home (you know what I mean), I pretend that I didnít saw them. Anyway that wasnít the problem because she did that kind of thing with her previous boyfriend and I can understand it. The problem is that one night about 22:00 I wanted to go to toilet near and I heard them having sex. I was shocked, I never wanted to heard something like that. I went back to my room and I was really angry but I couldnít do anything about this. The next day I were in my room, and if I am absolutely quiet I am able hear them even from my room. I put my earphones and I am listening music very aloud. But sometimes I wanna sleep and I still hear them. I knew that every Friday and Saturday they will have sex. So I am trying to do anything else I can so I wouldnít hear them. I know that is absolutely natural that they are having sex but I really donít want to hear them. What should I do? Should I leave the house, and live with my father? I really donít want to do that. Should I stay and pretend every night that I didnít hear anything? I am very shy and I canít speak to my mom for that kind of thing. So I m asking if thatís natural and everyone have to endure it in his life. Please help.

LucyVanPelt
December 21st, 2010, 12:46 PM
Bradthekillerman, how awful for you! When I was a teenager, my best friend and I were sitting on her front porch in the summer, just having a good time, and then we heard the noise. Her parents were having sex and their window was open. We took a walk! :eek::eek::eek:

But you can't take a walk in the middle of the night. They probably don't realize that you can hear them. At your age, telling your mom that you can hear them is very embarrassing. Perhaps you can tell her in another way, like by making a lot of noise to cover up their noise. Rather than put on your headphones, turn your stereo up very loud, turn the TV up, go to the kitchen and cook and bang the pots loudly. It's passive aggressive, and not the most mature way to handle things, but it might make them aware that they are louder than they realize.

If that doesn't work, seriously consider knocking on the wall between your rooms and telling them that you can hear them.

P.S. Your English is great!!!

Bradthekillerman
December 21st, 2010, 01:14 PM
Bradthekillerman, how awful for you! When I was a teenager, my best friend and I were sitting on her front porch in the summer, just having a good time, and then we heard the noise. Her parents were having sex and their window was open. We took a walk! :eek::eek::eek:

But you can't take a walk in the middle of the night. They probably don't realize that you can hear them. At your age, telling your mom that you can hear them is very embarrassing. Perhaps you can tell her in another way, like by making a lot of noise to cover up their noise. Rather than put on your headphones, turn your stereo up very loud, turn the TV up, go to the kitchen and cook and bang the pots loudly. It's passive aggressive, and not the most mature way to handle things, but it might make them aware that they are louder than they realize.

If that doesn't work, seriously consider knocking on the wall between your rooms and telling them that you can hear them.

P.S. Your English is great!!!

I am sure they don't realize it. Yeah it's embarrassing for me to say something like this especially to my mom. If it was my dad i could give it a try. Too bad me and my step dad are not so close enough to speak for thing like that. I thought of making some noise but then again i am afraid of tomorrow. They will know that i know, and i would be afraid (embarrassing) of looking my mom in the eyes. And actually there is no wall between us but a bathroom, so knocking the door might not help, anyway thank you for the advice.

snafu
December 23rd, 2010, 08:17 AM
Could you leave a note?

or is there another bedroom you could move to...and explain that that you need a privacy of your own...that hearing people using the bathroom wakes you up & grosses you out...

Bradthekillerman
December 23rd, 2010, 09:36 AM
Could you leave a note?

or is there another bedroom you could move to...and explain that that you need a privacy of your own...that hearing people using the bathroom wakes you up & grosses you out...

Nice idea, but there is only one empty bedroom and it's closer to theirs.

KayKay
December 23rd, 2010, 02:50 PM
So I m asking if that’s natural and everyone have to endure it in his life. Please help.

I think it's pretty much natural and a part of life. It happens to a lot of people (imagine the cultures which have many extended family members sharing a one bedroom house!) It would be the same if your mom and dad were still married, no?

That doesn't make it any less painful for you, and I'm sorry. I think it's just one of those things that lots of people have to deal with in life. :( The only suggestion I can make is to buy earplugs to sleep in or listen to white noise on your earphones (or a radio) until you fall asleep.

Bradthekillerman
December 25th, 2010, 10:29 AM
That doesn't make it any less painful for you, and I'm sorry. I think it's just one of those things that lots of people have to deal with in life. :( The only suggestion I can make is to buy earplugs to sleep in or listen to white noise on your earphones (or a radio) until you fall asleep.

You think i shouldn't tell my mom anything?

KayKay
December 25th, 2010, 01:22 PM
Oh, I misunderstood. :o After reading your answer to Lucy above, I thought you didn't want them to know that you could hear them. Sorry.

I don't know if you should tell her or not. What is the outcome that you hope for? Are you trying to just not hear it? Or do you want them to stop making so much noise? Sorry, I'm confused. :confused:

Bradthekillerman
December 26th, 2010, 09:00 AM
Oh, I misunderstood. :o After reading your answer to Lucy above, I thought you didn't want them to know that you could hear them. Sorry.

I don't know if you should tell her or not. What is the outcome that you hope for? Are you trying to just not hear it? Or do you want them to stop making so much noise? Sorry, I'm confused. :confused:

Well i don't want to say anything because i am shy, but you think earplugs are the best way? Don't worry you didn't misunderstood, it's just my English.

KayKay
December 26th, 2010, 12:26 PM
I really don't know if earplugs are the best way or not. :) I'm sure there's different answers that are best for different people. Some people would have no trouble speaking up. I was just trying to come up with an idea for a solution for you, given that you're uncomfortable addressing it with your mom (I certainly would be too, so I'm not faulting you) and that it's really bothering you.

Is there more about the situation that is bothering you? :( How do you feel about your mom being engaged to this guy?

Bradthekillerman
December 27th, 2010, 11:40 AM
I really don't know if earplugs are the best way or not. :) I'm sure there's different answers that are best for different people. Some people would have no trouble speaking up. I was just trying to come up with an idea for a solution for you, given that you're uncomfortable addressing it with your mom (I certainly would be too, so I'm not faulting you) and that it's really bothering you.

Is there more about the situation that is bothering you? :( How do you feel about your mom being engaged to this guy?

Well, there are sometimes that he does some "sexual" things to my mom, every time he comes from work and he is kissing my mom, he is touching her in a sexual way and sometimes he spanks her. I know that those things are natural to a new couple (because i have done these too, to my girlfriend:)) but i really hate when i see him doing it. I guess that's also natural. (Oh god, I hate nature :))

Lizzie
December 27th, 2010, 01:32 PM
he is touching her in a sexual way and sometimes he spanks her. I know that those things are natural to a new couple (because i have done these too, to my girlfriend quote

You have to say something about your feelings to you mom....I dont like the sound
of your home life either :( hope it improves

KayKay
December 27th, 2010, 04:27 PM
Maybe when he's kissing her when he gets home from work you can say in a joking way "GROSS!" or a teenage whiney "MO-THER... not in front of the CHILDREN!"

I'm with Lizzie - more than what's going on between this guy and your mom (as long as it's mutually consensual), I worry about how it's affecting you and your homelife. I don't know that going to live with your dad would be the answer.

Lizzie
December 28th, 2010, 12:05 PM
Most kids cannot understand parents even being affectionate towards each other
and the comment Gross......OMG ... is one I would often hear from my not so young
sons!! I cant imagine how your mum has not copped on to her behaviour (sexual nature)
upsetting you so much....hope you manage to drop a clanger to her sooner rather than
later. Its best that way as against considering living elsehwere

snafu
December 28th, 2010, 09:50 PM
:o:rolleyes:

I'm on my second marriage - If you can't tell your DM face to face... write her a note

DS will sometimes make faces when DH & I kiss

marky
March 27th, 2011, 03:16 PM
Hi there,

Well I think you being 16 is the time when you start learning about those things in life and it is really embarrassing hearing your parents or just one parent and her partner having sex, I do agree with you.

My honest advice is to tell your mum how you feel and I hope she understand.