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bennedh2188
January 28th, 2009, 09:24 PM
Good Evening everyone! I hope you all are warm if in the cold snowy areas like me:)

I am wondering what others do with the sleepover situations, LOL! My DD and DS are only allowed to sleep over at cousins houses so far and grandma's. We have one family that we know quite well that DD is friends with their DD and she has done one overnighter there just fine. I havn't had to deal with her or him being asked to a place I didn't know someone well enough to be comfortable with them going, but am really wondering what I would tell the parents if I didn't want them to go? Anyone have a good script to let them down easy? LOL! I just know you can't be to careful, ykwim? Maybe I am paranoid too! Waiting for the day it will happen......:rolleyes:

Mrs X
January 29th, 2009, 02:36 AM
Nice and warm here, lol.

One answer: "I'm sorry, maybe you can go and stay when we get to know your friend's family better".

They need to hear some version of this, so that it sounds perfectly reasonable as they get older, and you have to say "I'm sorry, I don't know Mary's cousins, so you can't go to their place". - I was leary of "Mary's" mother, and there could well have been adults with drugs at the cousins place. However, i didn't want to go into that with miss 11, lol. She was a bit grumpy about the answer she got, but managed to get over it. Not like she hadn't heard it all before!

It is well worth while making the effort to get to know the families of your childrens friends. Sometimes you have to give a mild version of the reason they can't go: "Jemma's dad sometimes makes poor decisions, and causes trouble". "Tony's mother goes out and leaves the kids on their own. I don't want you being there without an adult." etc. etc. etc.

DD is now 13, and still wouldn't normally go to stay with people who we haven't met and assessed. There have been parties she hasn't been allowed to go to where in hindsight she has been very grateful for our stance. (Older kids and alcohol involved, as she found out later.)

Good luck, pitch it appropriately to the age of your kids, and stand firm.

KayKay
January 29th, 2009, 11:45 AM
Okay.... I've put a lot of thought into this but am not sure if I can express my thoughts well. So please bear with me. I've actually done this a lot because my kids don't like sleepovers, and I've had to "be the meanie" to get them out of awkward situations.

IMO, you just need to say "No." You don't need to JADE (Justify, Argue, Defend, Explain). Just "No." Not a rude no; a nice "no".

"Oh, I'm sorry but 'no'... I'm afraid DD can't spend the night Saturday. But thank you for asking."

"No... I'm sorry... I appreciate the offer but no, DS can't spend the night."

If they ask "But why not?" you can say "It's not a good time" or "S/he has a lot going on and is going to need a good night's sleep that night." If they continue to harass you, you've learned something about them. ;)

IMO, you're the parent. You can make decisions about your child without the input of other people, and you need to make decisions based on YOUR parenting style, not based on other people's parenting style. That also teaches your kids how to say "no" (useful for later on in life ;)). If it's someone that your kid really wants to be friends with, and you think that you'd agree to an overnighter once you got to know the parents, then offer an alternative:

"No, I'm sorry... s/he can't spend the night, but can we meet at the park Saturday afternoon?"

*I may be way off base... I can't remember how old your kids are. :o

maximillion
January 29th, 2009, 02:33 PM
I always made a point of getting to know the families of my kids friends, as soon as they became buddies, it made everything way easier, as they got to know me too. I was a single-dad, with a daughter, and it was important to her to have and attend sleep-overs, so her friends' parents needed to feel comfortable with me. I solved the problem by always having a woman to sleep-over too, a chaperone for ME, lol.
Make the effort to know them, and if you're uncomfortable with your kid sleeping-over, say so, and say why to your kid, in terms they'll understand. If you're uncertain, go with your gut-instincts, they're usually pretty accurate.
Sleep-overs ARE important to kids, it's an intense bonding ritual, and a lot of fun, so to deny them outright is bad for your kids' developement, and social standing, also supremely important to them. Sometimes, you just have to gamble, but it's always YOUR call.

bennedh2188
February 1st, 2009, 10:17 PM
Totally great answer....I just have one gal that will call and she is 5 and gives me the 3rd degree on WHY can't she come over. I personally think it is rude her mother lets her do that and not help her with proper etiquette on the phone. I agree with maxamillion too, I do need to get to know friends parents well enough to feel more comfortable because sleepovers are important to them. I remember my sleepovers, LOL! Boy do I feel bad for my parents putting up with the giggly all night girls HEHE!
Blunt put nicely will be the best. I am grateful the kids don't really care either way. If I say "not tonight" they just say OK and that is it.
Thanks all, hope if you watched the superbowl you enjoyed the munchies :) that is all I go to the parties for!