PDA

View Full Version : Is it just me?


Bridget
July 25th, 2008, 01:53 PM
I have two wonderful, smart children. I have a boy, Jacob 4, and a girl, Taylor 6. I am a stay at home mom, and my hubby works night from 10pm -6 am, so he sleeps all day. And he is a fire fighter and works shifts at the department and goes on calls. Well I am with the kids all day, and I know its my job.
But My daughter is 6 and she is the BIGGEST drama queen I know. If you tell her no, she has a fit. She starts screaming at me that I am mean, and that I don't love her and that noone cares about her. And she couldn't be more wrong. She is very loved. Anyways, I grew up the only child so I didn't know what it was like with a sibling. I know kids are gonna fight, but I don't know what to do. They fight all the time, they hit, punch, scream, pinch , kick, you name it they do it. But its mostly my daughter thats doing it. You tell Jacob no and he listens (most of the time). they don't listen to me. When my hubby speaks they do what he says, sometimes they test him, but no where as much as they do me. I have tried the 1,2,3 magic, and watch the super nanny, nanny 911 to try to get some ideas. I just need some ideas that work. Have any suggestions?

april
July 25th, 2008, 02:38 PM
Can you daughter be jealous? She might feel her brother, since he is younger, gets more attention. Even though she is very loved, she still might think he is loved more. And your MIL may be really helping her cause favoring your son as you described in your other thread. Children can often feel the slightest nuances. And in your case, does she know she has different biological father?

KayKay
July 25th, 2008, 03:01 PM
I'm going to go with what april said here - she may be something along the lines of jealous. The thing is, kids don't even KNOW that they're jealous, or can't verbalize it, or even if they do understand jealousy they don't want to "be" jealous because it sounds bad. Is your DD fairly independent and competent for her age?

Bridget - since you're new... my relevant BG is that I have a DS (13) and a DD (11). My MIL has always favored DS over DD, and that in and of itself probably doesn't matter much (we hardly ever see her) but there's the additional consideration that my DS has lots of "issues" (learning disabilities, delayed development etc.) and has been in therapy since he was 4. So DS gets lots of "attention" and extra time (if not from me, from therapists).

I don't really consider my DD "jealous", but it is difficult for her to see DS getting so much attention when she does "better" than he does. Everything comes easily to her and she does everything so well; she feels like no one cares about her accomplishments. It's not true at all, of course. But it's how she feels, and I can sense a lot of resentment from her that she doesn't get the "extra help" that he does. Does that make sense? I wonder if your DD, being older and probably more independent, gets "jealous" when your DS gets more attention because he needs more at the moment?

Bridget
July 25th, 2008, 06:33 PM
No she doesn't know that. All shes ever known is my hubby. I will tell her when she gets older. I think...lol. I know I am new and I don't know what your talking about when you guys use DD, DS, DH, AND SO ON. i AM SORRY. LOL. Is she Jealous, I dunno. But I really try to pay equal amount of attention to them. I do anything and everything to try to make sure that they have a happy childhood. And I feel that I have to protect them from my hubby at times. Because he was in the Marines, he sometimes tried to run the house like he did his Marines. If I do something with one I make sure I do something else with the other. I try so hard to make sure they have fun, or do something fun.
I just want them to be happy and listen to me. When I put them in timeout, I want them to sit or stand there and not say a word and do their time and then when its over go on with the day. When the are in time out they talk, sit down when the need to be standing up. Its like they don't care what I say. And sometimes they are so good and listen. Does anyone have any ideas about time outs or getting them to listen better.

nonnymouse
July 25th, 2008, 07:22 PM
It is not just you.

I put my oldest (5) on time out on the couch this afternoon. She went to her room instead..I resisted the urge to shout. (I am trying a new approach that involves not escalating things for a minor discipline issue. And the issue had been pretty small.)

SHE came back out of her room and said, "I want to apologize to (little brother) for..." whatever it was. :eek:

Her crying fits over minor things usually outshine all the crying by both the younger kids combined.

Does the most forceful or dramatic behavior usually come from the oldest child?

Bridget
July 25th, 2008, 07:50 PM
yes it does, but now my son is starting to do it. Ihave anxiety disorder and when they start screaming and crying for just little things, it drives me insane. Or when Itell them no about something, they keep bugging and nagging. It just keeps going, and my head just feels like its going in all different ways. I feel embarassed because I can't take them to a store or a resturant and enjoy myself. Because I am always telling them to sit down, be quiet, eat, get up from under the table. They know that they are not o do that stuff. I just don't get it.

latelearner
July 26th, 2008, 02:47 AM
Hi Bridget,

Its not fun, I know. I have children around the ages of yours and sometimes, I too hate going out because once one goes off on a tangent, the others follow suit.

Its extremely hard but the reward of the following is so worth it - although don't get discouraged if they fall back to their old behaviour once in a while - that's what kids do:

When in time out, why don't you put them not so much in a corner, but on a chair somewhere near you? Explain that the longer they take to be quiet, the longer they'll be in time out (do you have a timer?). At first they won't take you seriously and will push EVERY SINGLE BUTTON you have (remember, they know them all) but stay strong. Put in earplugs if you must. Tell them that you and them are a team and that you ALL need to make good choices. Screaming and yelling are BAD choices so EVERYONE needs to learn to not do that. (You don't need to explicitly tell them that you scream and yell, but sometimes just making it feel like a group effort will get them to not get stubborn and react, know what I mean?)

Lots of hugs and kisses, EXTRA attention for good behaviour and consistantly following through with consequences make the world of difference. Please don't get me wrong, if you had a maid, cook and personal assistant, then all this would be easy to do, I know!

Just a thought, take it or leave it, and I know that you might have already tried this. You can mold this to fit your family's lifestyle, the point is, your children are old enough to learn that their behaviour is unfair to EVERYONE in you house and as their mother, you need to hold them accountable. By making it seem like a team effort, they might feel more compelled to join in more often than not because there cannot be a more stubborn lot of human beings (ILS aside lol) than children their age!

All the best and good luck. I hope your anxiety levels can lower once your children lay off you.